Fall Update

Team Update Fall 2012.

Alphabetical this time so no egos need repairing at the next team meeting.

ABD: Kicking ass, taking names & breaking records, particularly in August. You can see him break other     stuff too in December. Before that though some tan lines to work on at the Big Island in October.

Renovations complete indoors, team suggests a pool out the back or 30mt mondo track (covered of course).

BBD's: Precariously hanging onto Leadership status and all the associated benefits; chauffeur, pent-house, groupies, high calorie food stuffs. Word on the street is that at the December elections the tide will turn, hopefully the rest of the team isn't seen swimming against it. Even Rafi making appearance for your campaign wont swing it girls.

DBD: Ditched the vibrams now going barefoot in all conditions. As to be expected with racing AG now, also had to be told not to bring his race wheels out one to many times. Undefeated this year (?), someone show me that he has please. Going after the big one in October, need to see 8:58:54 or better on Saturday afternoon Oct 13th. ABD will be responsible for implementing the no-ale policy race week.

BDC: Still brewing the Borchst in GF. Adding more cd's the biggest country music collection in BC. Sweated it out at the Peach this year, more points gained than some other unnamed sedentary Team Members that live in Surrey.

          

BHBD: Still at race weight, but probably not the fitness. Big K Ranch is now well fortified with moat & drawbridge. Team members are advised to proceed with caution when visiting as 12 killer chickens roam the grounds. Also prepping for Team Meeting in December, this year we are promised higher calibre firearms, a fire pit obstacle & drug testing (KBD is still pissed apparently).

EMBD: Holding us upright, morally & fashionably. Representing the Team anaerobically with form all summer long. Sorted DBD out with a nice black-on-black number, queues are now forming at Matts bench. Also seen in the pool, walking. Still it's forward progress.

Team should members note the colour coordination and style EMBD has when he swings a leg over. Expect harsher punishment from him for failing to look at least like you know what you are doing on a bike.

KBD: Last seen running south when he should have been running East, sober this time too. Maintaining momentum through the last quarter as well although don't expect the same depth of tan.

Now operating vehicles & bicycles legally (provincially anyway), although any more yellow cards this season may see him off the roster temporarily.

LBD: Truly a man of many talents, has performed admirably in his first year of Full Team Membership by taking on all twitter/youtube/connect/socialcircle/teenagelife/texting duties.

Power to weight ratio still static, have the winter to work on things though as well as skiing away from most of the crew. Now dog/child licensed & available for duties (night & day), payment is in distilled liquids.

         

PBD: Re-acclimatizing after a whirlwind summer, only had to move house once, not his car 14 times as per usual. Now has a permanent view of the water although it gets deep real quick......

Still hunting for the right type of cat leash. Off to 18,000 feet in December with a wife and one sleeping bag, don't worry PBD will make it work.

TBD: Managed to get into a wetsuit 3 sizes to small, only experience & the arms of ABD helped achieve that. More travel than washed up music group this year. Moving (again) from two wheels to four.

Only Team member to score negative points throughout the season, has a chance for redemption in December.

VBD: Probationary membership still being enforced. Agent has decided that the 'country' look isn't bringing in enough twitter fans so expect VBD to step into the 'to cool for school' brigade next season.

Of note GF has dusted him at the last two IMC's and is guilty of technically being chicked mid season. May break-even on points, although the short course specialist could still surprise at the end of year muster.

 This update has been bought to you by the Teams Newest Sponsor: 'Eckhardt Dental' on Main Street in Penticton is recognized as one of the provinces leading service providers of all orthodontic requirements. They also offering custom millwork to those with enough tolerance.

The roster welcomes Eckhardt Dental aka "Freddies Murder House" on-board for the coming season.

As a performance incentive, the Team member who has accumulated the most points this year will have access to 'The Sign' for a period of 48hrs at a time to be determined by DBD himself (see picture of sign below). Points summary/rules/regulations/manipulations to be determined at the Team meeting in December. Yes, the race that night will count.

Queries, complaints & dues to Team Leadership at your leisure.

Rolling the Dice 

Vegas 70.3 World Championships

Disclaimer, if you are easily offended (very easily), opt out now. This list was put together outside of work hours so you can't complain to anyone.

Twitter ratings are non-reviewable, the algorithm used is confidential (but wind-tunnel tested).

#1 Craig 'Kicking It' Alexander 39 AUS

Form: Melbourne 1^st, Eagleman 1^st. The Champ is loading the spring & ready for some more hardware this weekend. The Aussie medal count isn’t over for the year.

Last seen: Eating chocolate, trying out custom tri shoes,.

Twitter Rating: 181875.07, Off the charts, untouchable on the Blackberry.

Radio Tuned to: ‘I’ll have AC/DC and Australian Crawl. I also like Celine Dion. I’m not ashamed’

Quote: ‘I’m Sub-8 Mate’

No man-love moments this weekend

#2 Michael 'The Machine' Raelert 32 DEU

Form: Texas 70.3 4^th, Mallorca 70.3 1^st,  Switz 70.3 1^st, IM Regensburg 2^nd, Euro 70.3 Champs 1^st.

Racings paying the bills here! The little brother is looking to step up for the 3^rd time this weekend.

Last seen: Cashing checks at Deutsche Bank, running 3:20’s

Twitter Rating: 3090102, astronomical figure. Blame German efficiency for this one.

Radio Tuned to: Paul Van Dyk, Rammstein, Faust (all guesses)

Quote: ‘Ich bin hier, um zu gewinnen‘

We endorse Powerband bracelets

#3 Richie 'Ribs' Cunningham 39 AUS

Form: New Orlenes 2^nd, Oceanside 2^nd, Rev3 Portland 1^st,  Rev3 Wisconsin 1^st, Rev3 Maine 4^th. More podiums than the Aussie swim team this year. Always in the mix, ‘Sir’ to most of you.

Last seen: Doing another Rev 3 Race, Running topless with wild animals

Twitter Rating: 19,905.01, not bad, but not great either. Some work to do here post race.

Radio Tuned to: Techno, Techno & more Techno. 

Quote: ‘I hate tapering, I’m bored’

                                          Looks the Elephant took this one.

 #4 Bart 'Astro-boy' Aernouts 28 BEL

Form: Melbourne 10^th,  Antwerp 70.3 1^st, European 70.3 Champs 2^nd. Former world champion duathlete that seems to have found his feel for the water in recent years, not to be confused with the pro cyclo-cross racer of the same nam).

Last seen: At another photo shoot for Team Uplace

Twitter Rating: 2,600.39 Below average, need to put the Euro feelers out for more fans more here.

Radio Tuned to: Belgian icon Salvatore Adamo, kicking it since ’63.

Quote: ‘7hrs of training done, finished the day with a massage’ (Lucky boy)

                                                       Un-edited for the ladies

#5 TIMOTHY ODONNELL 31 USA

Form: Boise 70.3 3^rd, Lk Stevens 70.3 2^nd,  IM CDA 2^nd, US PRO 70.3 1^st, San Juan 70.3 1^st, Also has his name in CAPITALS, must mean something. Also E.O.D. so if things get heavy in the water on Sunday look out.

Last seen: Eating Chicken & Mashed Potatoes 
AND a brownie (what is it with capitals and this guy?)

Twitter Rating: 60,325.54 Solid score for the first American. Reportedly a 94% female follower rate.

Radio Tuned to: Foo Fighters, John Denver & Ben Harper

Quote: ‘Pumped to be getting ready for a race that DOESN'T require multiple layers race morning...or a wetsuit on the bike to stay warm’

 TO can hold his breath for a really long time

#23 Jeff  'Diamonds' Symonds 26 CAN

Form: Bare Bones Duathlon 1st, Great White North 1st, Calgary 70.3 3rd, Brains & braun in this package which is a dangerous combination on the tables in Vegas 

Last seen: At the body shop getting his Aerostar roadworthy, swimming some solid SCMs

Twitter Rating: 709.64 Dismal....recommend cancelling account, check back after Sunday.

Radio Tuned to: Paisley, McGraw, Keith, Chesney, wait it gets uglier........Backstreet Boys.

Quote: ‘It ain't over till it's over'


AGENT HAS REMOVED PHOTO

                                                                                  It'll be alright on the night 

                         

The "team" rocks

On his way to second place overall at the last ever IMC (in Penticton).

Congrats KBD.

On his way to 10th overall and top master at the last ever IMC (in Penticton)

Congrats ABD.

BDoTW

A new colum will start to make an occasional, regular appearance on the blog.

The "Big Dealer of The Week" post will highlight significant feats from around the globe by persons who have demonstrated their fortitude, resilience and overall 'commitment to the cause'.

This weeks BDoTW shows how improvisation in adverse conditions can prove the difference between life & death.

Man Survives for three days on Frozen Beer

A man in the US has managed to survive nearly three days trapped in his pickup truck by eating cans of frozen beer.

Clifton Vial couldn't dig his truck out of a snowdrift in western Alaska.

He had no food or water and no coverage on his mobile phone.

The 52-year-old was eventually rescued and the ordeal left him 7kg lighter.

Clifton has not only shown the true meaning of the catchphrase 'survival of the fittest', but also developed a novel strategy for shedding those unwanted winter pounds. There's a spot at the next Team meeting/Bar for you Clifton if you're ever in town. Also the head instructor of 'Freddys Skid School' will more than likely be in attendance offering some advice.

Now for those readers that are struggling to keep up with the amount of new posts recently, rest assured this weeks activity has been an anomaly (akin to TBD moving himself anywhere physically). However, if readership does pique into double figures, posting frequency will be readdressed accordingly.

Until then, senior Team leadership are going international this weekend on a recruiting drive. So any questions regarding calorie consumption and off season training hours can be directed to the slowtwitch forum.

Blog, out.

Rolling in the Deep

As the year comes to close, a few things happen; Team Leadership gets restless, the blog gets updated, Team Members reminice about their seasons results- and wonder if they'll be any faster next year and planning for the 6th Annual Boys Night starts 24hrs prior to it taking place.

So a brief summary of the current facts for those that care to read them;

Current Team Leaders PPBD & LLBD have switched to a high intensity training week structure involving pool sessions, UFC training and plenty of sleep.

TBD: Has been MIA since November 2008, word on the street he has been looking at mobile home pads at both ends of town. No longer exercising.

DBD: No longer in a speedo. Current training hack for Team Leaders. Has been tapering for Boys Night and will look to utilize his excellent winter altitude navigation skills this weekend.

ABD: Has been diligent in adding some Brain to the Teams Braun. Collected more trophies this season than Justin Bieber. Will use experience to get through this weekends activities.

KBD: Recently lost a shootout in Arizona, assures fans that it was just a flesh wound. Will bring the 50. calibre and his military drinking skills to the ranch this weekend. Has followed The BBD's advice to be more 'social' and joined twitter.

BHBD: Now branding cattle and chickens at the ranch. Purchased 6 more more pick-ups for boarder runs. Brining a new type of therapy to the table in 2012 involving a taser.

PBD: Invested in a house on the lake (again), and a super light weight, aerodynamic, wind tunnel tested travel trailer with capacity for one tub of gatorade and a foamy. Still riding outside.

LBD: Moving up the food chain, membership still valid if he brings more than a six-pack this weekend. Now owns 4 cats, 2 budgies & a hamster. Taking orders for Team toques & scarfs. NOW OFF THE TEAM, suspension iminent. Back on team until 12pm.

EMBD: Still exercising & not even close to 200lbs. In charge of writing Team training protocol for next season. Has grown Teams equipment hut exponentially, in the running for 'Big Dealer of the Year'. Still confused by Team acornyms.

BDC: Keeping the Team spirit alive in the next valley with borscht, country music and the odd 6 hour commute. Will be back on the horse next year.

VBD: Newest Team member, still on probation. Recently violated team code by wearing a moustache after Nov. 30th. Going 'international' next season.

BBD: In the far north financing next seasons Team activities. Only member who got a tan this year at the Big Show. Keeping up designated Bachelor status to ensure the Team stays grounded during future festivities.

If you didn't make the list you may have done too much or too little exercise, that can be rectified this weekend at the BIG K Ranch though. Standard equipment required.

Friday video

The Low Down

As the months pass & the Team grows, the BBD's are aware of the need to cater for all those who wish the be involved in 'our' journey for the remainder of the year.
So, three trains have been made available for Team use this coming season. This reflects the newer, more modern policy of inclusion, rather than the previous leaderships efforts of exclusion, which sources tell me were the main factor in the still raw, hostile takeover of late 2010.
As the hibernating months come to a close Team Leaders have issued a new directive, effective immediately. Get on-board your train for 2011.

Ensure you are fully aware of the speeds at which these travel, services offered & that you have purchased a (non-refundable) ticket before climbing aboard.

Option 1: Bullet Train

Travels: Fast
Seats: Not Many
Stops: Never

Option 2: Big Boy Locomotive
Seats: Limited
Fuel Rating: Extreme
Stops: For nothing

Option 3: Tourist Train

Travels: At a leisurely pace
Seats: Everyone else
Stops: All the time

If you don't see a train suitable for you there's a reason for that. Be patient, hang out at the station long enough and you just might find yourself a seat on one of the current options.

Monthly membership update: Not much to report here except rumors are the Team has actively recruited new blood for 2011. Sources tell me that negotiations are still in place and are at a delicate point, however a decision will be made during the later hours of Saturday March 12th or very early on Sunday the 13th.
The only information regarding the candidates identity is a picture of Current Team members conducting their initial suitability interview with the yet to be confirmed candidate.

Early Negotiations involving the Team & VBD.

That's it for today. Ensure you expend enough calories as per team guidelines over the weekend.