Friday, September 28, 2012

Fall Update



Team Update Fall 2012.

Alphabetical this time so no egos need repairing at the next team meeting.

ABD: Kicking ass, taking names & breaking records, particularly in August. You can see him break other     stuff too in December. Before that though some tan lines to work on at the Big Island in October.
Renovations complete indoors, team suggests a pool out the back or 30mt mondo track (covered of course).

BBD's: Precariously hanging onto Leadership status and all the associated benefits; chauffeur, pent-house, groupies, high calorie food stuffs. Word on the street is that at the December elections the tide will turn, hopefully the rest of the team isn't seen swimming against it. Even Rafi making appearance for your campaign wont swing it girls.

DBD: Ditched the vibrams now going barefoot in all conditions. As to be expected with racing AG now, also had to be told not to bring his race wheels out one to many times. Undefeated this year (?), someone show me that he has please. Going after the big one in October, need to see 8:58:54 or better on Saturday afternoon Oct 13th. ABD will be responsible for implementing the no-ale policy race week.

BDC: Still brewing the Borchst in GF. Adding more cd's the biggest country music collection in BC. Sweated it out at the Peach this year, more points gained than some other unnamed sedentary Team Members that live in Surrey.
          
BHBD: Still at race weight, but probably not the fitness. Big K Ranch is now well fortified with moat & drawbridge. Team members are advised to proceed with caution when visiting as 12 killer chickens roam the grounds. Also prepping for Team Meeting in December, this year we are promised higher calibre firearms, a fire pit obstacle & drug testing (KBD is still pissed apparently).

EMBD: Holding us upright, morally & fashionably. Representing the Team anaerobically with form all summer long. Sorted DBD out with a nice black-on-black number, queues are now forming at Matts bench. Also seen in the pool, walking. Still it's forward progress.
Team should members note the colour coordination and style EMBD has when he swings a leg over. Expect harsher punishment from him for failing to look at least like you know what you are doing on a bike.

KBD: Last seen running south when he should have been running East, sober this time too. Maintaining momentum through the last quarter as well although don't expect the same depth of tan.
Now operating vehicles & bicycles legally (provincially anyway), although any more yellow cards this season may see him off the roster temporarily.

LBD: Truly a man of many talents, has performed admirably in his first year of Full Team Membership by taking on all twitter/youtube/connect/socialcircle/teenagelife/texting duties.
Power to weight ratio still static, have the winter to work on things though as well as skiing away from most of the crew. Now dog/child licensed & available for duties (night & day), payment is in distilled liquids.
         
PBD: Re-acclimatizing after a whirlwind summer, only had to move house once, not his car 14 times as per usual. Now has a permanent view of the water although it gets deep real quick......
Still hunting for the right type of cat leash. Off to 18,000 feet in December with a wife and one sleeping bag, don't worry PBD will make it work.

TBD: Managed to get into a wetsuit 3 sizes to small, only experience & the arms of ABD helped achieve that. More travel than washed up music group this year. Moving (again) from two wheels to four.
Only Team member to score negative points throughout the season, has a chance for redemption in December.

VBD: Probationary membership still being enforced. Agent has decided that the 'country' look isn't bringing in enough twitter fans so expect VBD to step into the 'to cool for school' brigade next season.
Of note GF has dusted him at the last two IMC's and is guilty of technically being chicked mid season. May break-even on points, although the short course specialist could still surprise at the end of year muster.

 This update has been bought to you by the Teams Newest Sponsor: 'Eckhardt Dental' on Main Street in Penticton is recognized as one of the provinces leading service providers of all orthodontic requirements. They also offering custom millwork to those with enough tolerance.
The roster welcomes Eckhardt Dental aka "Freddies Murder House" on-board for the coming season.



As a performance incentive, the Team member who has accumulated the most points this year will have access to 'The Sign' for a period of 48hrs at a time to be determined by DBD himself (see picture of sign below). Points summary/rules/regulations/manipulations to be determined at the Team meeting in December. Yes, the race that night will count.

Queries, complaints & dues to Team Leadership at your leisure.

Thursday, September 6, 2012


Rolling the Dice 

Vegas 70.3 World Championships

Disclaimer, if you are easily offended (very easily), opt out now. This list was put together outside of work hours so you can't complain to anyone.
Twitter ratings are non-reviewable, the algorithm used is confidential (but wind-tunnel tested).



#1 Craig 'Kicking It' Alexander 39 AUS
Form: Melbourne 1st, Eagleman 1st. The Champ is loading the spring & ready for some more hardware this weekend. The Aussie medal count isn’t over for the year.
Last seen: Eating chocolate, trying out custom tri shoes,.
Twitter Rating: 181875.07, Off the charts, untouchable on the Blackberry.
Radio Tuned to: ‘I’ll have AC/DC and Australian Crawl. I also like Celine Dion. I’m not ashamed’
Quote: ‘I’m Sub-8 Mate’
No man-love moments this weekend

#2 Michael 'The Machine' Raelert 32 DEU
Form: Texas 70.3 4th, Mallorca 70.3 1st,  Switz 70.3 1st, IM Regensburg 2nd, Euro 70.3 Champs 1st.
Racings paying the bills here! The little brother is looking to step up for the 3rd time this weekend.
Last seen: Cashing checks at Deutsche Bank, running 3:20’s
Twitter Rating: 3090102, astronomical figure. Blame German efficiency for this one.
Radio Tuned to: Paul Van Dyk, Rammstein, Faust (all guesses)
Quote: ‘Ich bin hier, um zu gewinnen‘
We endorse Powerband bracelets

#3 Richie 'Ribs' Cunningham 39 AUS
Form: New Orlenes 2nd, Oceanside 2nd, Rev3 Portland 1st,  Rev3 Wisconsin 1st, Rev3 Maine 4th. More podiums than the Aussie swim team this year. Always in the mix, ‘Sir’ to most of you.
Last seen: Doing another Rev 3 Race, Running topless with wild animals
Twitter Rating: 19,905.01, not bad, but not great either. Some work to do here post race.
Radio Tuned to: Techno, Techno & more Techno. 
Quote: ‘I hate tapering, I’m bored’
                                          Looks the Elephant took this one.

 #4 Bart 'Astro-boy' Aernouts 28 BEL
Form: Melbourne 10th,  Antwerp 70.3 1st, European 70.3 Champs 2nd. Former world champion duathlete that seems to have found his feel for the water in recent years, not to be confused with the pro cyclo-cross racer of the same nam).
Last seen: At another photo shoot for Team Uplace
Twitter Rating: 2,600.39 Below average, need to put the Euro feelers out for more fans more here.
Radio Tuned to: Belgian icon Salvatore Adamo, kicking it since ’63.
Quote: ‘7hrs of training done, finished the day with a massage’ (Lucky boy)
                                                       Un-edited for the ladies

#5 TIMOTHY ODONNELL 31 USA
Form: Boise 70.3 3rd, Lk Stevens 70.3 2nd,  IM CDA 2nd, US PRO 70.3 1st, San Juan 70.3 1st, Also has his name in CAPITALS, must mean something. Also E.O.D. so if things get heavy in the water on Sunday look out.
Last seen: Eating Chicken & Mashed Potatoes 
AND a brownie (what is it with capitals and this guy?)
Twitter Rating: 60,325.54 Solid score for the first American. Reportedly a 94% female follower rate.
Radio Tuned to: Foo Fighters, John Denver & Ben Harper
Quote: ‘Pumped to be getting ready for a race that DOESN'T require multiple layers race morning...or a wetsuit on the bike to stay warm’
 TO can hold his breath for a really long time

#23 Jeff  'Diamonds' Symonds 26 CAN
Form: Bare Bones Duathlon 1st, Great White North 1st, Calgary 70.3 3rd, Brains & braun in this package which is a dangerous combination on the tables in Vegas 
Last seen: At the body shop getting his Aerostar roadworthy, swimming some solid SCMs
Twitter Rating: 709.64 Dismal....recommend cancelling account, check back after Sunday.
Radio Tuned to: Paisley, McGraw, Keith, Chesney, wait it gets uglier........Backstreet Boys.
Quote: ‘It ain't over till it's over'


AGENT HAS REMOVED PHOTO


                                                                                  It'll be alright on the night